Tags
love, monogamy, polyamorous, review, reviewer, The Hunger Games
In the recent review of The Guinevere Trilogy at geekgirlinlove.com (http://geekgirlinlove.com/2014/09/22/book-review-the-guinevere-trilogy-by-lavinia-collins/) there’s some very fruitful discussion about the ‘rules’ of romance-writing and how the novels do and don’t (and in many ways, they don’t) fit in. She says “I like that she [Guinevere] is able to love more than one man fully and the critique of forced monogamy.”
I want to talk a little bit about this. I’m also going to preface this by saying that I myself am in a monogamous relationship, and the thought of actually having a polyamourous relationship fills me with two kinds of horror; one of my own jealous neuroses, and the other of timekeeping and logistics. But, I do think that in general, the idea that two people “belong” together, and that there’s no room for something more complex is a drum that is too often beaten in literature.
My case in point for this is The Hunger Games. I loved The Hunger Games, but one aspect really annoyed me. Spoilers ahead guys, so proceed with caution. I was annoyed by the fact that, given that Katniss has undergone the incredible trauma of being in the hunger games, she was not allowed two boyfriends. In the main, not a good idea perhaps, but I’d have thought in those extreme and extenuating circumstances, a girl should just be allowed to have two boyfriends. She had to fight for her life, for god’s sake.
I spent the whole of the third book tensed for the fact that one of them was probably going to get killed off to save her the trouble of “deciding”. As it happens, turns out Gale is an insane political fundamentalist willing to literally murder anyone to make a point, which was slightly better than a “convenient” death. But anyway, my point is, there’s no room for the idea that they both might find a place in Katniss’ life and people might just cut her some slack and let her have two boyfriends. Extenuating circumstances, and all that.
So, I don’t know. It’s food for thought, I guess. We live in a vibrant world with many different people who organise their love lives in many different ways. Many of whom are happy in non-exclusive relationships. This is one of the things we just don’t see in literature at all. From the narrative arc of a typical romance novel, to Daisy in The Great Gatsby being shunted between Tom and Gatsby and forced to choose, to Katniss in The Hunger Games, there is a cultural resistance to this idea that there is anything other than the “right” way to love, the right way to organise ourselves into relationships.
Now, I’m not saying that I am going to be allowing “free love” into my own home, or that we should all start living like bonobo monkeys, but I am also never intending to fight a battle to the death with 23 other teenagers and I still enjoyed reading The Hunger Games. So, if anyone can recommend any reads in this area, please feel free to whack them in the comments, and I look forward to a brave new world of novels about free love and polyamoury.
Lavinia Collins Author Page 
Can’t recommend any books on the subject, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about recently, because in my current WIP I have a woman having an affair with a married man written in such a way that I (and I hope the readers) will like ‘the other woman’ and feel sympathy for their plight. The man has been married to the woman for 30 years, no longer loves her but, really, wishes to stay with her for the sake of family stability (mostly financial) while still being able to be with the woman he loves.
Often in my books I feature illicit relationships, and have had a couple of readers saying that they haven’t been able to carry on reading them because they have issues with marital infidelity. I truly don’t think that one person can be everything to someone, or hardly ever, anyway. I think we waste too much of our short lives doing what is seen by society as ‘right’, instead of experiencing all we might. Tis a shame. Unfortunately, jealousy is a powerful emotion, too!
…. sorry, the first paragraph is a bit messy. I wrote it in a hurry; I meant that the man has been married to his wife for 30 years, and that I LOVE my ‘other woman’ character and hope my readers will feel sympathy for her too!
Like you, polyamory is not my bag. I have enough trouble keeping up with more than one Facebook account (my personal vs my author one – argh!) Not to mention jealousy!
That said, we truly are programmed, especially in the romance genre to find “the one” in our stories. Makes me wonder, though, if you might have stumbled upon a new genre that could rock the romance world?
I haven’t read the Hunger Games, but you make a good point. Wouldn’t it have been a delightful surprise for the character to end up with 2 boyfriends?
Let’s see… years ago there was a western musical film called Paint Your Wagons in which the main character (a woman) ends up with 2 guys by the end of the movie! It’s been years since I saw it, but maybe I’ll put it in my Netflix queue. It’s a comedy classic, as I recall, and way ahead of its time plot-wise!
~Tui, popping by from #WWWblogs 🙂
Being of a poly persuasion myself, I would love to see more romance (and other) books featuring those sorts of relationships. I don’t mind reading about monogamous people, obviously (it’s be impossible to read much and avoid it anyway, haha), but I dislike how “one true love”, “I’ll die without you” and “belonging together” type tropes seem to be the only acceptable one in the genre. In fact, I personally think the sort of love depicted in romance novels often borders on unhealthy, and that makes it hard for me to relate to the characters and root for the relationship.
Anyway, I’d best stop rambling. It’s really nice to see someone monogamous bring up this topic in such a positive way!
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I feel very much the way you do. I think the concept of one person forever seems kind of unrealistic, but the idea of sharing my significant other is just awful!
All I can think is: ‘How do I not remember the ending of The Hunger Games?!?!’
I have a hard time rooting for the other woman in any story – real or imagined. Yes, she may be a wonderful character and a good person in other aspects but it’s hard to feel sorry for someone who enters a relationship that doesn’t belong to her and expects it to go anywhere but south.
I’ve seen to much of it in the real world perhaps – and it’s aftermath – to connect with it in anything but a negative way.
An interesting thought, that Katniss could have two boyfriends. If Gale hadn’t taken a turn for the fanatical, that would have been a bold option.
Two good friends of mine are in an open relationship – they’re married but free to date other people – and when I discovered this my first thought was, “No wonder it’s so hard to make plans with you two!” Like you, the logistics of managing many romances would overwhelm me! I can barely carve enough time out of my busy days for one partner! But it clearly works well for my friends; they’re extremely happy with each other and their relationship. And I do agree that it would be nice to see different kinds of relationships in literature, not just the typical “you are my one and only true love” kind.
I’m a polyamorous individual myself, and have had a variety of serious, long-term relationships, often at the same time (none of which ended in chaos or drama, and all ended for normal relationship reasons – going different directions, needed something the other wasn’t providing, incompatibility, etc.).
I don’t think “extraordinary circumstances” are required, just a healthy conversation about consent and boundaries (something else that is lacking from a lot of romance…). What’s interesting is I’ve seen non-monogamy written about in very romantic ways in a lot of fanfiction, where readers/viewers of stories like the Hunger Games actually write out what it would be like if Katniss (or whoever) had two partners. And readers love it.
I think a skilled author could take any relationship and make us interested in them, even if it’s not our cup of tea. Publishers might not touch it with a ten-foot pole, but with the growing indie and self-pub industry, I really hope we see more of these kinds of stories.
Or at the very least, stop shaming characters in-text for having any interest in another person. The initial reaction of those around them is always “HOW DARE YOU BE DISLOYAL” even if they haven’t done anything but feel something. I wish more stories would at least have a friend or someone say “Have you asked your bf/gf if they’re open to that?” or “Do you think these feelings are strong enough to try and pursue? If so. maybe you and your partner should have a talk.” Even if the character just shrugs it off and pursues the normal One True Love formula, I wish the option were available/discussed instead of immediately condemned.